Drained

Today was pretty much like every other day in our house, the only exception is that right now, almost 6:30 in the evening, I'm completely drained.  Mentally, physically, emotionally, I feel like I have nothing left.

I've been thinking a ton about Mia's surgery lately, thus not getting very much sleep.  I can't believe it's almost the middle of August.  Art and I sat down this morning and planned out exactly what we hope will happen on pre-op day and surgery day.  Who needs to be where at what time and all of that.  Maybe that wasn't the best way to start the morning, I don't know.

Right before lunch I went to pick up Mia's medications.  I go every two weeks, so this isn't out of the ordinary at all.  Got the medications, paid, and went to the car.  Because she still takes her meds out of a plastic syringe in liquid form, I have to get these special caps to put on the bottles for the syringe.  Luckily I checked the caps before driving home and found they were the wrong size.  So I went back into the pharmacy, took the caps off the medication and had the cashier try the caps before I left.  Well wouldn't you know it, my hand hits one of the bottles and probably 3 days worth of medicine spills out.

It wasn't about the medicine spilling, or the fact that we'll have to pay for another bottle sooner than expected, but for whatever reason, spilling that medicine put me over the top.  I started sobbing.  Right there in the middle of the pharmacy.  Two cashiers and a pharmacist just stood there and stared at me.  I was the most embarrassed that I've been in a long, long time.  I didn't know what to do.  I just cried and looked at them saying "I'm sorry" over and over.

Those poor people have no idea why I was crying.  To them it looked like I knocked over a bottle of medicine and it upset me tremendously.  That I was crying over spilled milk, or in this case, Enalapril.  I was crying over something much, much deeper than that.  They don't know what goes on at our house every day, they don't know what we have in store in exactly 7 weeks.  To them, I will now just be the crazy lady that cried because I spilled a few tablespoons of medicine on the  counter.  If only it were that simple.