This morning as I was reading the newspaper, I came across an ad for Hobby Lobby. Almost all of the items advertised were decorations and crafts for Christmas. After looking at it, I suddenly realized that Christmas is a mere 4 months away. I started to think about how fun Christmas will be at our house this year. My girls will be perfect ages for the pure joy and magic that Christmas brings. As I was envisioning our home decorated and the excitement on my girls faces, I couldn't help but think to the future.
Lately, not a day goes by that I don't think about the road that we will be maneuvering in a month. In my head the map has so many turns and unknown whereabouts, that I can hardly comprehend it all. And at the end of the chaos is our destination. All four of us coming home together and doing what we do best, being a family. Enjoying things together, like Mia's 2nd birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas. I truly hope that is our final destination and that we do not encounter any detours.
I don't want to think about the detours or the dead ends that may come in our way, but it's reality. I don't want people to tell me not to worry about it or that everything will be ok. Yes, that is the ultimate hope and odds are it will all be ok. However, there are also legitimate fears that I think about daily. There are fears that I need to talk about and need to face. Maybe it's the question that I'm not supposed to ask out loud, but what if it's not all four of us at Christmas?
The hard truth is that Mia has half a heart, she always will, until one day she needs a transplant. How many Christmas's will that be? Will she graduate? Will she go to college? Will she get married? I don't know. As I type this, seconds of that future are ticking away. Can I live my life in fear? No. But do I have fears that I think about and, at times, need to talk about? Yes.
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